Square Cut

Date:-November 5th 2009
Place:- Sweet Home
Event:- India Vs Australa, 5th ODI at Hyderabad

I guess there comes a time in every person’s life when he/she is faced with one of the most demanding prospects of multitasking while watching the great Sachin Tendulkar bat. Unfortunately, that moment of truth had come for me. Among the many values and principles which I strongly follow, the one which I follow religiously is “ Multitasking while watching Sachin bat is a sin . Not missing even a single ball while Sachin is at the crease is a virtue which eventually would lead to moksha/spiritual freedom". But thanks to technology and cell phones, we are now mixing sin with virtue.

Scene 1:- India chasing a mammoth total of 350 set by Australia, are fighting back through Sachin Tendulkar. The great man is making it look so ridiculously easy that the game is now, Australia Vs Sachin Tendulkar. Let me use no more superlatives to describe Sachin’s innings because I am incapable to do justice with words and would be belittling the man’s batsmanship. You had to see it to believe it and if you dint, big loss man..BIG BIG LOSS!.

Scene 2:- I am nervously fiddling with my cellphone while watching Sachin bat. I usually keep my mobile at a safe distance but I guess, destiny had its way today. So to my horror, I accidentally pick up a call from a friend at half ring ! No way out..I say “Hello” to which she replies “ Hey..I dint know you were so desperately waiting to hear my voice..U dint allow the phone to ring even once!

Me:- err..hmm…err…look, can I give you a call back ..I am watching cricket (Yeah..on hindsight, “I am watching porn”, would have been a far more effective excuse)

Friend:- No, you cannot..its important and don’t cut the call ..I wont call you again…its very important( Though that was an open invitation/encouragement to cut the call, I exercised restraint and decided that I would get out of this call soon..)

Friend:- What do you think I should do? Should I go tell the boss that I want to be in a different team ?

Me :- (Sachin just danced down the wicket to hit Nathan Hauritz for a huge six !) OK..tell the boss ..(Controlling my excitement by furiously taking long breaths )

Friend:- But won’t he ask me why?

Me:- Ok..

Friend:- Ok? ..Ok?..What Ok?

Me:- err..hmm..be in a different team ..be happy and u know…let there be peace and tranquility in Asia

Friend: Che!..I am asking what would my present team would think ? wont they feel I am showing attitude..? Also, Since I was in a different process before, wouldn’t adapting myself to the new process be far more difficult? What do you think? Do you think my boss would understand what I’m trying to tell him?

Me; hmm..hmmm..yeah he would..I mean ..they would ..everybody loves peace and tranquility you know ..

My head was spinning..Sachin just danced down again to hit Nathan Hauritz for another six! The telephone conversation painfully reminded me of my 10th std viva voice exam

Questioner : Why is the emf of auxillary battery greater than the emf to be measured?

Me:- err..hmm..errr..(faking the “Oh I knew it..just not remembering it now look on my face)..hmm..batteryyy..

Questioner : Why is the emf of auxillary battery greater than the emf to be measured?

Me: Zeeman effect? Electrostatic law?

Questioner:- No..and he proceeded to write down something on his paper with a look of disbelief on his face

Me:- ( Trying desperately)..Newtons apple? Theory of relativity?..

Coming back to my friend..She did not seem quite impressed with my answers either..
Friend:- ( Getting progressively irritated) ..Rohit, you are not listening..what do you think they would say?

Ok.just then , MS Dhoni, is brilliantly caught out at point, by Adam Voges and is walking balk to the pavilion. That was it! I couldn’t control my agony and despair..

Me:- Ok..ok( breathing furiously) look..go tell your team mates in your present team that they Suck Big Time! And then, immediately run down to your boss and tell him that he sucks as well..and that you don’t want to work in a team full of suckers and that you want to be in a different team. This would be the best method to communicate as you would be leaving no scope of confusion and misunderstanding.

There was silence from the other end of the phone and then heard the click sound of the call getting disconnected.

P.S:- Please don’t blame me for this episode, Blame MS Dhoni for getting out at the wrong time!

P.P.S:- Don’t fiddle with your cellphone while watching the match, fiddle with somebody else’s

P.P.P.S:-There is a good possibility of close to 80% hanging up if you say that you are watching porn, but there is always another 20% who might ask “Which one?”

P.P.P.P.S:- Nothing related to the post. Way back, when Sidhu was commentating, it so happened that Sachin hit a six and he said “All that comes from a cow is not milk”. For the life of me I couldn’t understand what it meant and how was it related w.r.t context. If there are any enlightened souls who know the answer, please feel free to let me know.

“The unexpected always happens when you least expect it and so always be prepared for the unexpected”. This was my friend’s advice to me and before I could understand in what context did he say that, I immediately realized that the context has always been irrelevant for my friend. It has always been up to us to place his advice and put it in context accordingly and of course display my gratitude to him by buying him a cigarette for the wonderful piece of advice. So when I told him that getting a middle management job should be rated as one of the top 10 most difficult things in Kerala, Vinod advised me to customize my resume for each job profile that you send an application for. The advise took me by complete shock as this was one of those rare instances where I really dint need to search the context to place the advise. The advice was spot on! But soon I realized that you can only customize a resume and not a word document which is stretching over more than 5-6 pages and more looks like a novel.Me decided, that I will prepare a whole new resume altogether and in doing so, let me enlighten any souls who have accidentally stumbled upon this post on how to prepare resumes, how to attend interviews and how to get a job. It’s easy and you can thank me at the end of the post.

While preparing resumes, always imagine that you are Bat-man and the previous company that you worked for as “Gotham city” and with all humility write down all your adventures on how you saved gotham city each time they were in trouble. Write down on how the gotham city chief would look up to you when in trouble and how easily would you come up with cost cutting measures, performance improvement measures, quality improvement measures and even those measures which you probably dint even think of at that time, but hey!..you are thinking about it now. Though you can mention that you have got an excellent track record, but it would also be nice of you to clarify that you are not a horse either..you know just in case..it pays to be safe. In short, just write down on how you made Gotham city a wonderful place to work.

Now most resumes have something called as an Objective statement. Just Google it and copy paste any fancy statement you like but just be sure that your resume does not fall in the hands of your parents. They would be shell shocked to realize that they had misunderstood their sons and daughters all this while after reading your objective statement and there is also an unnecessary risk of your near and dear ones fainting. So keep your resume at a safe distance away from your parents and other family members as we definitely do not want to risk any family calamities. Moving on, most resumes also contains a “Hobbies” section. It’s important to choose which hobbies are you going to write down on your resume. Sleeping at work, taking at least 3 days off in a week, having a debate with your colleagues on who might be the father of your immediate supervisor/manager and researching on swear words from different languages might not look great on a resume. Try avoiding those and instead write down hobbies like studying characteristics, bungee jumping, skydiving and last but not the least helping the poor and needy. If you do donate blood, you can mention that but avoid the deatils of the same like donated 10 gallons so far or 16 gallons so far. Humility..remember? Some resumes also have a section called "References". Again, it's better to be subtle here and mention that you can provide references on request rather than mentioning that there are no references available and that you are the lone man standing and that you have left a path of destruction behind you. Now that you have done with the resume, don’t forget to add your signature and that statement. You know.. the one at end which states everything you have mentioned in the resume is true to your knowledge? ..yeah.. that one.

Now getting through an interview is easier than preparing the resume. Go for the interview thinking that you are Brad Pitt..ok just think that you are..the idea is to equip yourself with a wrong sense of high self esteem and also if you don’t get the job, you can always blame it on Brad Pitt (ok..Bad joke. couldn’t resist myself there). I almost forgot to mention the most important point and that is, to use corporate jargon. For eg:- even if it does not make much sense w.r.t context, use words like vertical (Replacing the word "UP"), horizontal(replacing the word "sideways"),micro(replacing the word small), macro(replacing the word "big", disconnect (replacing the word "stupidity", process gap (replacing the word "mistakes") etc etc..

P.S:- Whoever gets a job using the above methods; please send over Rs 50 to me.

P.P.S:- If anyone screws up their interview using the above methods, please do not blame me, blame Brad Pitt instead.

A daily glance through the newspapers would actually be more than enough to effectively learn how to empathize. Now I am not trying to be critical of any political party in particular, because quite frankly empathizing has not been any one political party’s forte..every party is quite good at it. This, is in no way am I suggesting that empathizing is not good. But if you look around, I just feel that there is an overdose of empathy with no solutions to back it up. The Thekkady boat tragedy where almost 40 lost their lives is a fine example. Everybody expressed grief on hearing about the incident and the Kerala CM announced a compensation of 5 lakhs each for victim’s family. Kodiyeri Balakrishnan (Kerala tourism minister) came out with preventive measures for such boat accidents in the future stating that all boats at tourist destinations in Kerala would undergo a safety check to ensure the vessels are in good condition. It was also decided that henceforth all those under the age of 15 must wear a life jacket and those above 15 who do not wear one have to give an undertaking as to why they are not doing so. A rescue boat with all medical facilities at each boating destination and for every 25 passengers on a boat, one life guard would be employed. A friend of mine just returned after a vacation in kumarakom where he went for a boat ride. In spite of the writing in the boat ticket which says that wearing a life jacket is mandatory, there were no life jackets available. Lets take Thekkady, It’s been more than 4 weeks since the Periyar Wildlife Sanctuary shut down following the boat capsize and tour operators, hotel owners and locals are now urging that the popular tourist spot be reopened soon as their livelihoods are at stake. There are over 40 resorts and more than 10,000 people make a living out of tourism activities and everything coming to a standstill is not a solution. Everybody empathized with this situation as well. Now, that’s a surprise.

The 2002 Godhra communal riots can pull up so many cases where most of the empathizers might have forgotten why they empathized in the first case. There was a talk show in one of the news channels regarding the survivors of the 1984 Sikh riots after the assassination of the then prime Minster, Indira Gandhi. The khalistan movement is still brewing in India and all it needs is one small spark to flame it up. It has been close to 25 years that successive governments have been successfully empathizing with the victims of the 84 riots, but there has been no hope of justice even today. It’s not good enough to say that “your heart goes out to the victims”. As the saying goes, Justice delayed is justice denied, Empathy cannot replace justice nor can it replace solutions. People who have lost their families do not need empathy, they need justice, and they need solutions. One of the participants in the talk show stated that we should reverse the norm that “Every party is innocent until proven guilty” and change that to “Every party is guilty until proven innocent”. Though, that’s stretching it a bit too far, but its far better than saying “We understand how difficult this must be and our hearts go out to them”

Empathy is the quality that lets you “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes” and with empathy comes understanding and with understanding comes solutions. I don’t think empathy is a virtue, it’s just ability. It can be used for the good and for the bad as well and there’s no point in showing empathy without any intent. Some times it’s better to interrupt the speaker, than pretend to listen to him.

After working for close to two years at my previous workplace, I have resigned. Its been just two and half weeks since I am unemployed but it already seems to be an eternity for me. The thing with unemployment is that you are on the job the minute you wake up in the morning. That being said, I had quit the job, keeping in mind certain objectives, starting from, helping out in the construction of my house to a bit of further studies in skill enhancement. But unemployment is not a good state of mind. Perhaps it could be because time passes differently when you are not that busy. This is partly because of the construction work which is progressing on the slower mode and partly because of the importance I have always given to my work life. From the time I started working, I have always given my work first priority and in doing so, social life had taken a back seat. I was never a very active friend like, you know, regular hangouts or keeping in constant touch types, nor am I in to traveling or in to any major hobbies. I slog it out when at work and everything else just comes second. So when you get unemployed, that’s a void not only because of the time factor but also because of the sheer importance given to work.

Though, I am not aggressively job hunting right now because of the two reasons mentioned above, the anxiety of not having a job is quite irritating to say the least. I remember the last time I was unemployed (hehee..yeah..I am not new to this) which I think was four years back, responding to questions from people was a pain. Infact, I was so engrossed with “I don’t have a job” notion in my mind, that even to a question like “how you doing” my answer would be something to the effect of how I am searching for a new job. But I guess, life always gives us a few more chances to learn and do it right and ironically, I think, I am tackling unemployment better this time around. Take this oxymoron for example:- Though I said that I am not that busy, but I still don’t get time to do the things I wanted in a day! Its true that I don’t have an office to go to nor is the construction work in full progress now, still I end up running out of time to do certain things for the day. Part of that has got to do with me sleeping late which would mean that I get up late as well and and logic would say that when you get up late in the day, you would get less time in the day!

But hey! All is not dull. Unemployment has allowed me time to refocus and relax. I have more time to do things which I had postponed when I was at work. It has allowed me freedom to spend quality time with my family and catch up on some very good skill enhancement books and certification programs. It has allowed me to set smaller goals like getting back to shape (yeah exercising!) and catching up with some good movies. It has also spoilt me for choices like, I can sleep in or get up early ..my choice! I can go for a drive, catch up with a few friends, so on and so forth. Well, it almost looks like I am selling you the concept of unemployment.

So ppl..just get inspired and resign . ( Ok I am kidding ..Do not resign)

Television advertising started about 60 years ago and advertisers and advertising agencies soon grasped the magnitude of this powerful medium. Companies realized that branding could be taken to the next level as, cleverly thought out creative commercials could easily connect with the average consumer. Moreover, commercials have the advantage of associating a product or service with emotions such as trust, reliability, prestige, ease of use,,desire, envy ,pride so on and so forth.

Vodafone and Bajaj have always been my favorites when it comes to commercials. The zoo zoo ads(Vodafone) have been a phenomenal success and infact they are the most watched ad’s in youtube and even have a fan following in face book. I saw another commercial couple of days back for the Bajaj Discover bike and I thought that was a pure delight. They have started their advertising campaign under the theme of “Discover India with the power of 1 litre” and currently have three TV commercials under this campaign which are being aired now. The Ad’s talk about the bike’s mileage(100kms/litre) which enables the consumer to explore little known places in India. I have seen a couple of their ad’s and instantly connected to it. Like for example one of their ad's have a guy riding the bike, discover a place called Mathur about 100 kms from Mysore, where the local language is Sanskrit. Another one had the guy in the bike discover a place in India about 100 kms from Ladakh where you don’t need fuel to run the bike because of the presence of a Magnetic hill. These are fascinating pieces of information that I was completely unaware off before I saw this commercial. I am assuming that I am not the only one around with a poor GK and that this would be new information to many. A lot of credit has to be given to the creator of the ad for the concept purely because of the ad’s ability to connect with the brand in a unique manner.

Creative advertising not only aims at selling a particular product or service but also connecting the vision of the company with its consumers. It should be able to penetrate the public mind with information and desire.

As an ardent admirer of outdoor sports, I am really happy to know that sports in Kerala will atlast be getting its due importance. Considering that Kerala has been churning out world class athletes consistently over the years keeping in mind the lack of class facilities, infrastructure and support is a huge achievement in itself. The ray of hope comes in the form of a new decision taken by Education Minister M A Baby and Sports and youth affairs minister M Vijayakumar. On November 1st 2009, Kerala will become the first state in the country to include sports and physical education as part of the school curriculum.

Lets give credit where its due. I think this is a fantastic move to encourage sports at a very young age because sports in general not only helps build character in a person but also help the child deal with failures as sports, always is a great leveler. You have good and bad days at sports. The major challenge here will be the availability of facilities and infrastructure. Well, its one thing to arrive at a decision and completely different responsibility to back up the decision with resources.

I hope the govt sticks to its decision this time and we start seeing it getting implemented unlike lots of other unkept promises. If nothing else, the move will ensure that we have happier and healthier children .

Tea and cigarettes have always been a great combination for lengthy conversations for me. Biji and I had a similar talk a few days back which started at about 11:00 Pm and continued till 03:00am. In between all that, also got myself booked by the police for smoking at a public place at 02:00am. We were talking on astrology, not that we are astrologers but, on the believing Vs non –believing part. Is Astrology true ? Can somebody predict our future based on the position of the planets at the time of our birth ? So what happens if tomorrow some scientist finds out a new planet ? Does that mean what ever predictions that has been made were all wrong? Its always like a chicken and egg debate. There can never be a conclusion on whether astrology is true or not. Lot of people cite personal examples of predictions coming true and some argue that it’s a numbers game where in some predictions turn out to be true while some don’t. I am no astrologer but I am fascinated at the concept astrology is based on . Well, to think that your personality and your life may be dependent on the planets which are light years away from us may not seem logical to many but is definitely intriguing. To be honest I want to believe that there is some truth in astrology in terms of predictions because how can you explain the some of the predictions which have come very true ( ok , there are lots which have not as well). But then again, If there is some truth in astrology , shouldn’t we also believe that our destinies cannot be changed and is not in our hands ? Some say there are remedies which astrologers advise which can change / avoid what may be indicated in our destiny. Stretching it a bit too far ? maybe . If you really want to think about it, Its filled with contradictions piling one after the other whether you are a believer or a non believer. But despite the fact that there are no rational explanations there are many who accept astrology and its remedies because it seems to work for them .

It is left to us to decide as to how far are we willing to let our circle of acceptance stretch, regardless of the perceived or actual truth in astrology. As for me, as someone who does not know astrology, it is difficult to accept that our lives are governed by the planets at the time of our birth( If only mom would have looked at the planetary position before giving birth to me !) There are a lot of things in the world which are unknown and not explained. Probably it is meant to be like that, but validating those with planetary positions just does not look right.

P.S:- I dont believe in Astrology. I am a Cancerian. Cancerians are always skeptical!

“One of the arts of getting things done is to know what things can remain undone" This was what one of my ex-very senior manager who I admired (still do) a lot used to say. I really liked that, and I usually pass that valuable piece of wisdom to anybody with whom I happen to share a conversation. Yeah..thats like my killer punch line …You say that..and it makes you look really cool..yes, it depends on the timing as well..but then you get used to it with some practice.. (Put a pinch of sarcasm in it, and YALLA..”WE HAVE A WINNER!). Ok so last month, I actually decided to implement what I say because as they say (I do not know who “they” are, but they keep saying) “Always practice what you preach”. So I decided to have a checklist of “to do” things.

Here goes :- though they are not in any order of priority, but these needed to be done.

1.Start going to the gym :- hmmmmmmmm….I have always post poned that. I have put on some extra weight over the last few months . Yucksssss..yeah, as bad as it sounds, the truth is out ..I have put on WEIGHT. Now before you start to visualize my physical structure, let me try to halt any such attempts. I am NOT fat! And at the risk of sounding humble, let me also say that I am ..err..very sexy as well. So, that’s about that.

2. Exercising:- Ok not so different from point 1. But you know, that’s the loop hole, If I don’t start going to the gym, at least do some exercises at home (heh heh..smart..yeah I know). Infact once I started jogging. But sadly by the time I realized that I am not 25 anymore and was not in supreme physical condition for jogging, I had covered a lot of distance and it was way too far to walk back. That’s when I realized autorickshaws are a blessing to mankind.

3.Calling up friends :- Few of them are pissed off with me because I am not keeping in touch . So a call was absolutely important to ensure my social existence.

4.I had brought a book on 6 sigma a looong time back. But even though its been a while, the book stills looks new and even has got that new book smell to it. As logic would say, Buying the book isin’t good enough, you have to read that as well. Making a start was another one on the list.

5. Buying a pair of speakers for my comp. Quite self explanatory I presume. Ok, if you do want an explanation on that, here you go :- I wanted to buy a pair of speakers for my computer.

6. Going to the Courier company to collect my credit card. Long story short, I lost my credit card- called up the bank- bank issued another credit card- courier company never finds me home- They got tired and gave it back to the bank- I called up the bank again- bank got tired, send the credit card again- The same courier company got the card- Courier company never found me home, well, again- Got tired -gave it back to the bank- I call up bank, the bank then tells me the courier company got the wrong address!- wow! now , they have send it to the courier company and asked me to collect it from their office. So, the point that I was trying to make was that, this was on my checklist as well.

7. Ofcourse, How can I forget..I have an office to go to as well in between all this. All this to be done before 02:00pm as that’s the time I have to leave for office.

Me decided that I will start the checklist with point 3 by calling up a few friends. The first one I called, ate up more than an hour. So I decided, to avoid the next and move on to point 6 and get my credit card. Well, as fate may have it, if it was the courier company who couldn’t find me all this while, it was me this time who couldn’t locate the courier company. Found it atlast only to find out that I forgot to carry any Id proof with me to get the credit card from them. Ok, lets buy the goddamn speakers atleast! The sales person at the shop perhaps was way short of his monthly sales targets because he seemed desperate enough to sell me the entire shop, leave alone the speakers. Got the speakers ! ticked the checklist..Now off we go to the gym ..lets atleast say Hi there and let them know that I will start from tomorrow (Yeah..let the poor souls have something to look forward to in life) . Btw, the gym looks cool and all..But I was forgetting something. Yes ..the time ..Looked at my watch , it showed 03:30 pm . Oh yes..I needed to go to office today ..can’t now ..hmm..work from home. Classic case of checklist going wrong OR Classic case of the wrong checklist!

I have always loved dogs. As they say, there is no one who appreciates a conversation the way a dog does: because what ever you tell him, it always licks you. I have a dog and absolutely adore it. My sister adores him even more and the adoration has even reached to an extent where she at times, mistakes me for the dog and calls me chippy.

I guess, we had similar minded neighbors who loved dogs and yes, cats as well. So we had a situation where in a stray dog gave birth to 5 puppies and a cat gave birth to 4 kittens at my neighbours place. They were kind enough to feed all of them regularly. Now they moved out and all the 5 puppies and 4 kittens moved out as well. Only that, they moved to our place.

It all happened very quickly ; I mean just come to our house any of these days and you will see a mini zoo! You have dogs and the puppies having a gala time and so are the kittens .All of then enjoying themselves. We tried different methods in getting all of them out because frankly it was getting quite tiresome . Needless to say, all efforts were in vain: 5 puppies and 4 kittens are still there. So I was sharing my sorrow with a friend of mine and asking her any new techniques to get all of them out of the house. She gave me a completely different response. She was telling me “Che! Rohit , paapam kittum, you should never hunt those animals away . They might be your ancestors who are reborn .So you should take good care of them” Even though she said that with a lot of purity at heart, I couldn’t help thinking that “my great grandfathers are now dogs and cats ?”

Last month, One of the dogs got hit by a bike on the road and was severely wounded. Though I felt sad at the sight, my emotions were restricted to that; sad. It couldn’t even move as it was unable to even lift its back leg and so was crawling its way in pain from the road to our house. Just by looking at it, it was quite obvious that the dog wouldn’t last long and that it was just a matter of time. If ever there was an instrument that could measure compassion levels in humans, I have a strong feeling that my sister would top the charts. Her dedication and sincerity in taking care of that stray dog had to be seen to be believed. There was so much concern when the dog was not showing signs of improvement and so much relief when it finally showed some good signs. The dog is now able to move better and is healthier..bless my sis !

PS:-In between, Because of compulsion from my sis I approached various institutions like SPCA in Trivandrum and nobody bothered to help(Guess Menaka Gandhi is busy trying to protect her son). Intrestingly, I also met a lady in Trivandrum(Saramma) who runs a similar trust for stray animals(if I can use that term) called “Action for distressed animals” in Thirumala, Trivandrum. When I went there, I figured that the lady needs more help in taking care of the animals.